After weeks of soul searching, researching and digging into my own life a event happened to me that set into motion a chain reaction that would help me in this module…

I got dumped by text.

Now granted that the relationship was only 4 months, but this is not the first time it has happened. Was it something I said/did/didn’t say? All of these questions were circling my mind and driving me to this state of depravity and self loathing with myself. I found myself falling into this metaphorical black hole of feelings that I normally tend to avoid purely because I sometimes feel so out of touch with my own feelings.

My experiences of love have been all different. I tend to avoid commitment because, to me, commitment is a very adult thing and I still don’t class myself as a adult. Before you know it you’re with the person for 10 more years, working a dead-end job that sucks away at your soul, have put on 2 stone in comfort eating and lost all respect you had for yourself. Call me gloomy but the concept of being with someone for so long doesn’t make sense. This universe has so many amazing people, not necessarily to sleep with, but to meet. Why stick to someone you are comfortable with? The idea boggles me. It’s a very primitive way to think of course.

I was close to thinking I was truly in love until I got dumped. It’s like being promised everything you have ever wanted only for it to be snatched away in a instant and you are there trying to put the pieces of you back together. There I was in the kitchen of my flat, crying my eyes out, with a text saying:

“I think we should see other people, it’s just not working, and it isn’t you it’s just me, I have some stuff I’m going through right now. I would have come round to have this chat but it’s been tearing me up all day to know that I have to say this :(“

Granted I respect that everyone has issues. But if we are going to be in this “relationship” as it were conversation is key. If you are unhappy in a relationship don’t be the one that just keeps the other around because you are scared to be alone forever. In regards to my response my reply was simple, honest and eloquent. I merely replied with a simple:

“Thats utter bullshit mate.”

So here’s to my ex, the reason I am making this show. The reason I am going to explore this idea of love, relationships and commitment. Hopefully this project will be able to last longer than we did.