During the module of  Solo Performance there is a huge level of debate inside of me of wherever the input of “personal” either damages it, or makes it better. Yes, talking about your own feelings, emotions,experiences and choices on stage can be a liberating thing but is there time where it becomes a little self masturbatory and self involved?

During the process of this performance I’ve had to filter out certain parts of my own self in the performance as I don’t want to represent this cliché of a heartbroken guy who just can’t love ever again. It actually annoys me a little how I find myself putting parts of my own self into it, instead of focus on building this character. The Singer is meant to act as my “guardian angel” in this piece, and whilst he does to this there is still this level of my own person. It’s not necessarily a bad thing at all but as I develop the script further I find myself putting far too much content relating to my own experience in love and heartache.

I’ve allowed myself to have one segment where I am honest and upfront with my feelings about the situation. In a episode of me reliving the sadness caused by the break up I penned a honest and upfront few verses of me addressing my ex-lover. In this point of the shoe I will step out from the character and address the audience as myself, as Kieren. Below is what I wrote:

 We ruined each other by being together.Like a dying star we collapsed into to each other because we just lost the matter. Any attraction we once had was gone and instead it was replaced with bitterness and aggression. I’m not proud of being with you and that damages me to say. And yet here I am professing how I despise love. How much of a hypocrite do I sound? I hate certain elements of love yet I actively search it. Absolute bullshit. All I can do is make fun of my broken heart, because that’s the only reason I know how to deal with the hurt.

 But it’s getting better. I’ve learnt to not love as hard as I can. I’ve learnt to never accept something if I have doubts. I’ve learnt to never take something for face value. And now with this I can finally get over you.

This is me completely tearing open the anatomy of the failed relationship. And now hopefully after the show as well, I will be allowed to close this chapter of my life and be  able to move onto something better.